Esonde’s son died three days later. Ikaseraz had spent much time at their shelter, mostly keeping the boy sedated I think. He told me later that he had said to the parents that removing the leg might increase his chances of surviving, but not by much. Also, because he was young and only small, the operation itself could kill him. His parents decided not to put the boy through so much pain. At that time I just made the simple assumption that the boy died naturally, but I have wondered since whether Ikaseraz increased the dose of the sedation to a lethal level. Of course I never asked him.
Everybody who could went to the funeral at the stone circle near Vezeru. It was a cold day but the snow held off. I wondered, if Wolf had not woken us all, how many more might have been joining the boy. It would have been company for him. Ikaseraz had that in hand though, we went back from the circle to the cave where he tranced for a long time calling on the boy’s ancestors to come and meet him.
It made for a depressing start to a long cold winter. Not long enough to learn all that had to be learned though. We stayed by the fire as much as we could, but there were many visits to illnesses, and one broken leg. A hunter fell on the ice and was carried home with one of the poles strapped to the leg. They had killed nothing.
"You can’t be learning all the time. You enjoy painting?"
"Who doesn’t?"
"I don’t for one. But it has to be done. I’ve got something for you." He rummaged his things and brought out what looked like a piece of old leather. He smoothed it out and I saw that it was circular and hairy on one side. I would have known that fur anywhere.
"It’s mammoth hide." I stuck my nose in it and took a great breath. "It even smells faintly still of mammoth."
"You need to make yourself a prayer mat. I was saving this for my apprentice before you were born. But it does seem particularly appropriate for you after your experience at the healing ceremony."
"It’s wonderful. Oh, thank you Ikaseraz, I love it."
"If I were you I would shave off the fur and braid yourself a belt from it. Make it bigger than you need now then you can use it for hanging your talismans on when you are an adult enchanter. The mat will lie flatter then too. You’ll see that the inside is marked up in the proper way for the paintings you will add. The circle in the centre is much the most important as the place for your spirit-guide. You will paint that after your initiation and then nobody else must ever see it, except other enchanters of course. But the surrounding spirits you can paint this winter and then you can use your mat."
"Won’t the pictures wear out and the paint come off on my knees?"
"No, no, I’ll show you the technique that’s needed for prayer mats. It’s rather like tattooing. We must prepare all the inks and paints first, so I want you to think today what you will paint around the edge, then tomorrow we can start on what you will need for those paintings."
It was exciting to choose my symbols but slightly daunting too. They would be with me for the rest of my life, and would determine the course of it, I did not doubt.
When we were ready, the next day, to start on the paintmaking, I told Ikaseraz what I had decided on and why.
"Though it’s a circle, I can always position it in the same way with Earth Mother as the base and support, so a toad to represent her."
"Good"
"Then opposite, in the sky position, Sky Father’s symbol, a snowy owl."
"That’s your axis fixed well."
"I’m not sure about the positions for the remaining four, but I thought that they should be symbols for what the group needs for life. So for water, a salmon."
He smiled, "Yes, you are the salmon expert." It’s true I was proud of that salmon.
"That yellow spider which came from Misumena, to help us catch food. For warmth, a dragon breathing fire. And for protection from harm, my woolly mammoth. Do you think the salmon and the spider next to Earth Mother, and the dragon and mammoth next to Sky Father?"
"Yes, that would be entirely appropriate."
"Do you think that the woolly mammoth might be my spirit-guide when I’m initiated?"
"It’s not at all likely that your spirit-guide would appear to you before initiation."
That was a disappointment, I had been dreaming of having the warmth and strength of that spirit always with me.
"There is one curious thing about your choices. Have you had any spirit contacts that you have not told me about?"
"No, you know I need you to tell me what it means."
"Yes, I was fairly sure you would tell me. You have had no signs from an eagle, a stag or a blackbird?"
"No. What’s a blackbird?"
"They used to live here but I suppose they’ve moved south like so many. It’s a bird that’s entirely black except for a bright yellow beak. Between the size of a ptarmigan and a snow bunting. Some call it the ousel."
"I’ve never heard of it."
"No, I suppose not. It just seemed strange that you chose the salmon, the owl and the toad. They are three of the six oldest spirits that there are. With the eagle, stag and blackbird they are called the Ancients."
"Have they more powers than the other spirits?"
"Not that I know of. They are said to be the wisest. Wisdom comes with age, supposedly."
"None of those will need my beautiful purple."
"No. With black, white and red and some earthy ochres you’ll be fine. Don’t look so wistful, we’ll paint you yourself in purple at the mid-summer gathering."
"Will you help me with drawing of the six spirits? I don’t have to do it all myself do I? I’ve never drawn a toad."
"Yes, I’ll help if you like. We could have a practice first before we punch the outline into the leather. I’m a bit shaky on toads myself."
We spent the rest of that day grinding the pigments and getting all sticky with the binders. Or rather I did, Ikaseraz sat smoking and watching me. That evening I shaved off the fur from the reverse side of the mat. It was quite coarse and I thought would spin well, but it did not until I mixed it with some goat wool. Three hanks of mammoth to one of goat span nicely though and I got a good long thread with scarcely any lumps. But it was really too short to plait into a belt long enough for a woman (as I was bound to be one day), so I asked Ikaseraz for a suitable length of leather thong. I was pleased with the result when I had plaited together my thread with the leather. And I thought the leather would add strength. We had various sea shells with holes already drilled for threading, but only two cowries had holes big enough, so I used them to tie the ends through. The belt went round my waist twice, just, so that would be fine when I was big, to go round once and leave the cowries hanging. The mammoth fur belt felt good, it reminded me of its trunk round my waist.
It took us several days, in the end, to get the painting of the mat right. We sketched it out in charcoal first, but even that stage took a couple of days practising. Then Ikaseraz punched in the black outlines as he had promised. I did the painting, though the technique he showed me was more like dyeing the leather than painting really. I thought I’d done well, but some ways with paint, that he showed me at the end, made the animals look much more real. We were both pleased with the result, although it had taken longer than expected. I thought it would be just perfect with my spirit-guide in the centre, but it might be a long wait for my blood flows to start so I could be initiated.
I had used my prayer mat many, many times before that long winter ended. Ikaseraz had been wrong, on a warm day when all the ice had melted, Sinotsu’s mother came out of their shelter on her own feet. She had survived the winter. Some hadn’t, of course. Hankagorri had gone in the bitterest cold after the solstice with the lung disease. And more than usual newborns had died. But many had got through, and there was much high-spiritedness.
When the first eider ducks and grey geese - the white geese came later - were seen returning from the south we held a thanksgiving-for-Spring ceremony in the cave and there was much dancing and general rollicking. I played my stringed instrument but I doubt if anyone heard me.
The ice took longer to melt up on the tundra, but even that went eventually, and I went up and set out our traps again. Later I was kept busy up there. Spring brought such plenty with the nesting birds. It is always said that ground-nesting birds have many predators, and I was one of them. We never took a sitting bird, because we wanted them to return next year, though I’m sure you could just pick a female eider up, they cling to their nests so determinedly. But we took up to half of the eggs and down. It was thought that they could lay more and produce more down. They never stopped coming in the Spring so it must have been alright. The down was so important to us that we might have taken it anyway. Nobody would have got through winter without their down-filled underwear. And fresh eggs were a very welcome treat after all that preserved food.
Summer never really came that year. The white hares never changed to their brown summer fur and we rarely saw the sun, but the mid-summer solstice gathering in its honour was always held, so we set out for Lazcux. All the groups around here would be there, and there was much anticipation, particularly among the single. There was the hope of new partners and possibly even marriages. That would mean some people leaving our group, usually girls, though depending on the circumstances of the families involved young men might sometimes join the new wife’s group. Things usually evened out and we would gain some young women as well. The older people were hoping for profitable trades or new and interesting things to see from traders to the east. The children were only interested in showing off and playing. I had begun to stop seeing myself as a child and thought only of the other enchanters and what power objects they might have.
It was a long journey and fairly slow as everybody came if they could. Ikaseraz had advised Sinotsu’s mother not to attempt the journey, her husband’s sister stayed with her. The sister had a bad foot and did not really want to walk that far. We all carried temporary shelters and food to last us there and back, and young children and old people slowed us down. I thought that Ikaseraz was walking more slowly than last year. It took us a few days though I cannot remember now how many.
We were not the first arrivals by a long way, but found a reasonable camp place not too far from water. It was near the middle of the day by the time we had all put up our shelters and arranged everything to our satisfaction. Ikaseraz felt like sleeping after we had eaten so I decided to go and look at the cave. I could remember the Hall of the Bulls from last year. It was where the ceremony to the sun was held. But there were many other sections to the cave and I wanted to see them in the light of what I had learned since then. Lazcux is a very much bigger cave system than ours at Gabillou and is held jointly by all the groups in the area, not like Gabillou which belongs only to our group.
It was cold in there, the fires had not been lit. They would be lit this evening I thought. The ceremony lasted all through the night and ended only when everyone came out to watch the sun rise.
I felt more than a little frightened, not that I might get lost in the cave, I didn’t think that would happen, but that I might unintentionally pass through the cave walls into spirit-world and meet with evil there and there would be nobody to call me back. The painted spirits seemed to be enticing me to do just that and I did not think them all to be well intentioned. My torch flickered sometimes causing them to look at me. Then I saw a familiar face, it was a mammoth, and I immediately felt good again. It might even have been my mammoth, I couldn’t tell from here.
I had brought my purple body paint and my stringed instrument because I wanted the spirits’ blessing on them. Kneeling down and sitting on my heels I put them on the ground in front of me and spoke to the mammoth spirit about them. Even if it was a different one I trusted it. The smell of mammoth came to me very strongly and I knew that power had been transferred to my instrument and the paint.
When I got back to the Hall of the Bulls there was an old woman lying face down on the floor. I could see she was an enchanter though it was not possible to tell which spirit she was conferring with. I tried to walk quietly by without disturbing her but without success.
"Do not pass by. I am in this world." I stopped of course and she sat up with no difficulty, so perhaps she was not so very old. But her hair was white and her face looked aged. It had the look of age having improved it if anything, she certainly must have been fairly ugly even when young. It was rude of me to stare like that.
"I am Kizkur of Gabillou and apprentice to our enchanter, Ikaseraz."
"Gabillou, so you are far to the west. I am Ukitu, enchanter of the Horse Cave people, that is far to the east of here. How is Ikaseraz? He was of the Horse Cave when he was young. He is a fine enchanter, you have a good teacher."
"Yes, I have. He feels age slowing him down, otherwise he is well."
"Come, sit by me and show me your harp." She could only mean my instrument.
"Do you call it that in the east? I thought I had invented it."
"If it’s the only one in the west, then you did. Let me see it." I handed it to her. She ran her fingers over the carved decoration.
"My father did that for me."
"He’s very skilful. And you’ve done well to make this by yourself. Did you choose antler over wood or was it what you had?"
"We have a lot of antler and very little wood."
"It will sound different, I’m sure. May I play it?"
"It would please me if you would."
She played a long piece which sounded quite strange to me, using combinations of notes that would never have occurred to me.
"Its sound is lighter than the wood ones I’m used to. Very attractive. Thank you." She gave it back to me.
"I wanted it to sound like the south wind. To sound gentle and above all warm. Ikaseraz wants me to be a weathermonger. He is hoping that I shall be able to make the cold go back to the Ice Giants so we can be warm again, but I don’t know how. I’m sure to disappoint him."
"No, don’t say that, Kizkur. Nothing is sure. And why should you not be the one to do it? If the spirits favour you, you can do anything. Remember that. What is in that container? Old people are allowed to be nosy."
"It’s body paint. The purple colour was a present from Ikaseraz. He said it came from a big shellfish." I showed it to her and she really looked impressed.
"What a beautiful colour. I’ve never seen that before. What will you paint?"
"I can’t decide. But I want something painted on both my arms. I could only do my left arm anyway. I shall have to ask Ikaseraz to paint my right."
"He’ll probably be busy preparing for the sun ceremony. Would you like me to paint your arms? My preparations are all made."
"Oh yes please. That would be wonderful."
"Shall we go out of the cave? Daylight would be better for painting by."
She rose very gracefully and showed up my awkward scramble to my feet. When she made a gesture of reverence to the bulls I copied her.
Outside there was some sunshine which dazzled us at first but she was right, of course, it was better for painting by.
"Wait for me here. I need my brushes. I won’t be long." And she wasn’t.
"That has given me time to think what to paint. Are you happy to leave it to me?"
"Yes. I can’t think what I want anyway." I bared my arms and held them out to her. She started on my left, by painting a snake’s head on the back of my hand. It had its mouth open to show its fangs. Then she put its body curling all round my arm several times. It was wonderful, I could almost feel a snake moving round my arm. She had brought some white for the teeth and put a dab in the eye too, but otherwise it was a purple snake.
"I love snakes, so that is for me really. But the right arm will be for you." She smiled at me, and started on the back of my right hand with a tail. It had scales standing up along the back of it.
"It’s a dragon!"
"Yes, and it will breathe fire."
It did too, just above my elbow its head appeared and the flames it blew out went all round my upper arm. The flames were red, of course, but otherwise all my body painting was my lovely purple.
"Thank you, thank you Ukitu. I’ve never seen such painting."
"Then thank you, dear. I’ll see you at the ceremony this evening." She waved and went away.
I ran to our shelter to show Ikaseraz. Luckily he was already awake because I crashed in saying
"Look at this. Look at my arms. Isn’t it the best painting you ever saw?"
He studied it very closely from all angles.
"It is. Remarkable. Who did this for you?"
"Ukitu of the Horse Cave. She says she knows you, that you used to belong to the Horse Cave. Is that true?"
"Yes. Many years ago now. What did she say about me?"
"She said that you are a fine enchanter and I had a good teacher."
"Nothing else?"
"No, I don’t think so."
"How is she?"
"Well, she looks old but moves like a young person."
"Mm. Lucky her."
Ceremonies were not new to me by this time, but that evening’s to the sun was the most spectacular I’d ever seen. The size alone was impressive. Despite it’s being mid-summer there was the biggest fire I had ever seen. It would have taken anybody quite a long time just to walk all round it. The feasting began before the sun went down, so there was some light from the entrance and we all ate by that, but by the time the trancing began the sun had set and torches were lit. All the spirits, aurochs, stags, horses and my favourite the composite spirit with two long horns, impossibly long in this world, started the dancing in the fire and torchlight. We could only follow them and everyone danced, except the players, round and round the fire. It was exhausting and after a time I was glad to sit with my harp and play it. I made sure everyone could see my painted arms, I was really proud of them though it was Ukitu who should have been. My harp playing was pretty much lost in all the noise - there was chanting and ululating as well - but I could hear it and felt that it was being produced by my purple snake with his teeth on my left hand. My dragon was keeping my back warm. There was even more noise when the ram’s horn players went into the passages which opened off the Hall of Bulls and played there. The horns echoed in such a way that the spirit bulls on the walls seemed to be bellowing their accompaniment. All the trancing plants that were being smoked made the air dizzying and added to the rapture we all felt.
There were many enchanters trancing and I wondered if they met in the spirit-world or were each addressing the spirits and asking for guidance separately. I could recognise Ikaseraz easily of course by his mask and other disguising objects, but I would have liked to know which of the unrecognisable ones was Ukitu. After all the enchanters were back in this world the dancing and drinking and shouting all became even more frenzied. The older people were more calm and I saw Ikaseraz and Ukitu speaking together. When I looked up later from my harp, he had his hand on her shoulder and she was laughing up at him. Here was an enchanter that he liked then, he’d seemed very distant with the others. When they had had time to talk through the messages from the spirits - I thought that was what they were talking about but perhaps they were discussing old times - they came together over to where I was sitting.
"We believe the sun is pleased with our offerings." Ikaseraz said "Will you be alright with Ukitu? I have some people to see."
"Yes, please." I showed her my arms so that she could admire her work. She smiled and sat down beside me.
"I have something for you. Let me give it you before I forget."
She gave me a boar’s ear that had been made into a purse or small pouch. It was beautiful colours, shorter hair of many browns shading into black with long pale red hairs going down into a point at the bottom. I stroked it and thought that I would keep the pearl Father had given me in it. She quickly silenced my thanks.
"It is important that you should have it I think. The spirits seemed to be saying that. The sun wants to be stronger here, and the spirits were probably indicating you as the channel through which they could work to bring it about. Ikaseraz and I both thought that. My spirit-guide suggested I should give you the boar’s ear. My father made it for me, after a very successful hunt, many years ago now. It has acquired much power over the years. I expect you know what the boar symbolises?"
"Oh yes, courage."
"This power-object will give you courage in your fight against the Ice Giants."
I should have told her that it was she who gave me courage by believing in me, but I was too young to express myself.
"My visit to spirit-world was an unusual one this time. My spirit-guide took me to see a blackbird, I haven’t seen one in this world for years."
"I know what a blackbird is, Ikaseraz told me a few days ago."
"I don’t suppose he told you about the female? Some people think it dull but I love its blend of lovely soft warm browns. But it was a male that I met, a mixture of different glossy blacks. The really striking thing about its appearance though was that it had a white glowing crescent shape on its breast, like a young moon. That is the mark of the blackbird which is one of the Ancients."
"How wonderful for you to meet one of the Ancients. Ikaseraz told me there are only six. Was it very wise?"
"I don’t know. It must have been, but I could hardly understand it at all. Even my spirit-guide found it perplexing. I usually remember everything a spirit has said and go through it carefully afterwards. But with this one… no, I can barely recall any of it. But I know there was a lot about scarabs which made me think of you. I had no idea why it should, but Ikaseraz says that you had a vision of yourself as a scarab."
"Yes, I did."
"It was talking about you then. It seemed to be trying hard to tell me something. But it spoke in such a strange way, the words were all intelligible but the way in which it combined them was not. At one point it said "Tooth up down hairy river source boy." Now what do you make of that? I’ve listened to some spirits that I’m sure were being deliberately secretive. But the blackbird was speaking truth as it saw it, I know that. Its counterparts in this world could come back here if you could force the Ice Giants northwards, so you can see it would want you to succeed. Nothing it said made any more sense to me than that, just a lot about scarabs. But both my spirit-guide and I had the same feeling at the end of it, that it was advising me to help you in any way I could. And I will. Not much physical help you can expect from an old woman, but I will always remember your endeavours when I’m in the spirit-world."
"I shall take courage when I stroke the boar’s ear and think of you helping me." We smiled into each other’s eyes. Hers were a beautiful green colour. Ikaseraz joined us again and they began talking about old times. I wanted to listen but think I fell asleep. The next thing I remember was everybody going outside to greet the sun. It was hazy but we could see it just starting to appear over the horizon. We all raised our arms in prayer. The purple snake went up to praise it, I thought perhaps the sun could slide down the dragon’s back and come out of its mouth.
When we were home again I asked Ikaseraz why he had left the Horse Cave people. He said he would tell me one day, but he never did.