Owl’s idea was that when Atutxa was old enough that he would have been initiated if he had not already been an enchanter - ’a man’ she said but he was still a boy - he should journey north alone to find his father. Not alone really, he would go on Tlez and Leopard could find out in spirit-world where he should go to find him. When I said
"Whatever for? We’ve got on fine without him." she was dismissive.
"No, you haven’t. Even merged with the wester group you are too few. You’ve lost skills and you’ll get inbred. Your numbers have fallen below the critical level, your group is diminishing instead of increasing. And what’s more you know it and are doing nothing."
That was me told. She made me angry, but that in itself was enough to show that she was right.
She was right…but…but
"It’s too dangerous, he’s too young."
"And when will he be old enough? He will have Tlez in your world and Leopard in ours, do you think either would let him come to any harm?"
"I’ll go with him to protect him."
"No you won’t. This is for him to do alone. What could you do that he could not do himself?"
It was unkind, but I could see that she was right.
"But I don’t see what use he could be if Atutxa managed to find him."
"You’re being deliberately obtuse Kizkur. You know how strong he is, and there are lots more like him. They are all superb hunters, the women too. That’ll make you jealous, I know you’ve always wanted to go hunting."
She knew how to put the knife in.
"You must realise that I want you to join up with his group of ice giants."
"That’s what I thought but will they want to join with us if they are such good hunters without us?"
"I don’t know. Your group may have skills that they would appreciate, and just more people when it comes to a fight is a benefit to them too. Who can tell the future except Blackbird? I’ve asked him about it of course, but none of us could understand what he said, I’ll not bother you with it."
"I worry that the fights might be between them and us, and it’s clear who would win."
"Diplomacy, Kizkur, diplomacy. What do they want? You know what you want."
"But we can’t even speak to each other."
"You seemed to do alright last time you met him."
I had to laugh. She won as always.
Our preparations began in late Spring of the year that Atutxa was twelve. He was bigger than all the other twelve year olds and more mature in his thoughts as well. Owl was right, he was a man.
The practical things came first to give us time to think about which objects of power should go with him. We had a few tussles over what needed to be done and taken, but we both agreed the most important thing was to get Tlez prepared. She must be strong and well-fed. Her favourite food, apart from what she found for herself, was a mix of seeds with honey. That was lucky as I was sure that would give her strength and energy for what could be a long journey. We fed her some each day and packed up a good large amount to take with them. The three apprentice basket-makers were back by this time and we commissioned two wicker and rush panniers to strap on Tlez’s back. Seed cakes for Atutxa were packed at the bottom of the other pannier to balance Tlez’s food.
She had to be exercised every day to get her fit, and even minor scratches had to be thoroughly cleaned. Special attention was paid to her feet and she was groomed and groomed. We had a specially large nit comb made to clear her of insect parasites and put that in one of the panniers when we were sure she was free of them.
It could hardly be too cold for Tlez however far north they had to travel, but we packed all Atutxa’s warm furs and down clothing. I made a short thanksgiving to Ikaseraz’s skull and the spirit of his eider duck for the good warm feathers. The water on the high ground north of here was drinkable but not pleasant, it was a dirty brown colour and tasted of reeds. It might be better further north, but in case it wasn’t I had the leather-makers design and make-up two large water carriers. One to go on either side of Tlez, she was so strong she probably wouldn’t even notice that they were there. They also made us a very strong plaited rope to tether Tlez at night, she wouldn’t like it but we couldn’t risk her being attracted off by other mammoths.
I had a long soap-making session. They needed enough for one very large mammoth as well as what Atutxa needed himself. It was a job I hated, smelly and messy and needed so much time and concentration, a real bore. But with that and his comb packed we just put in one bowl for eating and drinking and various tools including needle and thread, with all his weapons and lightweight travelling shelter, the practical aspects were covered.
The spirit objects he would need were much more important and harder to decide on. I put the bear’s tooth, from my grandmother, around his neck. As well as providing protection from the spirits that had a practical use. I thought his father would recognise it and understand that this was his son. He had seemed very impressed by it. We discussed his taking a harp for a similar reason but decided it was just too awkward an object to manipulate on what could become a very long journey. The white bear’s black claw seemed a definite choice after the effect of its appearance during the battle in the south. It should protect him from hostile spirits of the cold regions.
We decided that he should take two power objects for each of earth, air and water. The black claw was one for earth and for the other we packed a scarab beetle. For the air we chose the swan’s skull which Sinotsu had taken to the south. We felt that it had acquired much additional power from the spirits of the south. Also for air he packed a pair of raven’s wings. He had found a desiccated raven’s body near to Vezeru quite recently. He had put the skull below Ikaseraz’s raven painting in the cave. We were both in awe of the wings.
For water he took two very powerful objects we had brought back from the sea, the case of a sea urchin and a small but perfect fish skeleton. He left the vertebra of a dolphin here to protect the group.
Very early one morning we got it all strapped onto Tlez’s back. The last thing to go in was his tinder fungus. Then he left. I smiled and waved and tried to look happy, but then I went back into our shelter and wept.
This is the story he told me when he returned:-
The journey didn’t go too badly I suppose. I’m not saying I could have got there without the spirits, obviously not, but they could be confusing at times. Leopard would tell me a definite plan to follow, then she would say that another spirit had said we were going wrong and we’d have to backtrack or something. And it got colder and colder, that was really hard sometimes.
One time we really pissed Leopard off. Both Tlez and I were exhausted and we just lay down and I snuggled up into her fur and slept. I must have been asleep for longer than I’d meant to, because when I woke up it was the next day. Leopard was marching up and down and lashing her tail about. There was no sun so I asked her what time it was. She wouldn’t speak to me, so I hurried up and set off again. She calmed down later and said she had over-reacted, but I knew it was my fault really. But it was alright for her in my mind, it wasn’t her paws freezing in the snow and ice.
Later the going got even harder, it got quite mountainous. It was lovely to look at, but Tlez kept slipping on the ice. I got down and walked to see if it would be easier for her, but my feet got so cold that I was slowing us down even more. It was much better when we were through the mountains because on the other side there was no more ice, just long grass going on forever. There were no landmarks so I suppose the ice giants find their way about using the sky.
Then one day we were just going along like every other day when from nowhere we were surrounded by ice giants all pointing their spears at us.
I couldn’t go for my weapons, so I just sat there. Tlez made a growly harrumph and showed them her tusks, that was brave. While she had their attention I remembered what you’d said about the black claw, so I pulled that out very fast. It was out before any of them could think I was drawing a weapon. You were right about it, they backed off and lowered their spears. What a relief, my heart was pounding.
One of them spoke, but it sounding like clicking and throat-clearing to me. I spoke back so that it would be clear that wouldn’t work. They didn’t seem to know what to do and neither did I. Tlez took the initiative and started to walk and after a moment’s discussion they walked with us. Their talk went on as we walked, they didn’t seem to be arguing exactly but they were worried. After a while several of them started to gesture to me. They were pointing more to the west of the line we were walking. We mostly couldn’t understand each other’s gestures either, but I just guessed that they meant their camp was that way. When I turned Tlez that way they smiled and we all set off together. But I didn’t know if they saw me as a guest or a prisoner. And I couldn’t find any way to gesture to them why I wanted to go with them.
I had a long time to get a look at them, we must have been walking for half a day at least. Except that I was darker we did not look so different. Most were either blonde or red-haired, though some had light brown hair, and several were quite freckly. Some were dark-eyed but most pale blue or grey.
None of them had their hair plaited and put up. They had it just tied back with pieces of leather, or some with strips of fur and some with carved antler decoration. I couldn’t make out what the carvings were of and think they were just abstract. But I realised later that some of what I had taken to be leather strips were actually the thinnest plaits you could imagine, wound round to hold the rest of their hair back.
The biggest surprise I got though was when I noticed that some seemed to walk a bit differently from the others. I realised that they were women. I had assumed that this was a hunting party so they would all be men. But I was right, it was a hunting party, they all had weapons and they were carrying a few kills. So the women went hunting too, how strange.
They started chattering more and looking at me, so I thought we must be getting near their camp and it soon appeared. It was much bigger than I was expecting though there didn’t seem to be many people about, and most of those were small children. The bravest of them came running up to Tlez, who is used to children of course, and did just the right thing. She took each of their hands in turn with the tip of her trunk and they were soon giggling and running round her. A few women came up slowly behind them, some of them holding babies. They spoke to the hunting group for a while, I assumed about me. While they were talking I got Tlez to help me down to the ground, but that seemed to cause some consternation. The women with babies moved backwards as if I might be dangerous. I showed my hands to them palms forward and at least they stopped retreating. One of the hunters signed to me to show them the bear’s black claw, we were all getting better at gestures because I knew at once what he meant. I put my hand out slowly towards them, to try to avoid frightening them, and then opened it to show the claw. Their fear seemed suddenly to be gone and they clustered round me to get a look at it. They all made the same gesture to it, bowing their heads and touching their foreheads. So we all felt the same about it, that it was a very powerful object. Nobody tried to touch it.
When everybody had seen the claw, though most of the children were more interested in Tlez, they signed that we were all going to sit round the fire and eat. I should have described the camp because it wasn’t like ours. In the middle was a really big fire which everybody used. Their shelters were arranged round it in circles with the fire in the centre. Their shelters were mostly small compared with ours and had no fire in them. They were mostly just for one person and seemed to be only used for storage and sleeping in. I don’t know how they arranged it but there always seemed to be food ready on the fire and no fixed meal times. We were eating because we had arrived at camp. Another group of hunters came in when we had nearly finished and when they were ready they ate too. The food was mostly roast meat of many different kinds, I didn’t recognise some of them. There were stews too, but they were mostly meat with just the occasional root or stem in them. Everybody helped themselves and it all seemed very relaxed. A hot drink was passed round which I liked, it tasted a bit like fennel.
More and more ice giants kept arriving, they were a big group. I got some curious looks, I suppose I looked dark and small to them, but they all seemed more interested in Tlez. I had put the braided leather rope round her neck and tied it round my waist because I didn’t want her to do any damage and start a fight. I don’t think I need have worried though because I saw no signs of anybody looking as though they might fight.
As the groups came in and joined us round the fire I looked at each face. I had the rather silly idea that I would recognise my father because he would look like me. But they all looked so much alike to me that it might have been any of them. He would be one of the older men, if he was in this group at all, but I found that I couldn’t even gauge age easily. Many times they asked me to show the claw, and the reaction was always the same, amazement perhaps, surprise anyway followed by head bowing and forehead touching.
The evening was spent around the fire, people broke up into groups some talking, others singing or gambling. I stayed with some of the group I had arrived with and they tried to include me in the talk, but I felt so strange and ignorant that I thought I would put off until the next day any attempt to find my father.
One or two of the group who had brought me in looked at what I had in my pack and when they saw my travelling shelter showed me a place in one of the outer circles where I could pitch it. I hammered the stake I had brought into the ground and tethered Tlez to it. Though I felt I had to stroke her trunk and explain that it was necessary. She seemed quite happy about it anyway and I think really if she had wanted to she could probably have pulled it out. But she is too good mannered to let me know that my efforts were useless.
Though very tired I slept badly. It was partly the thought of being surrounded by strangers and partly that I was puzzled as to how to proceed. It was all easy in my plan. I had been going to ask to be taken to the Chief Elder and I had gestures and signs worked out to convey that I was looking for my father and hoped to be considered a diplomatic representative for my group. But they were all so casual that they didn’t seem to question why I had come, nor did there seem to be a Chief Elder, in fact I couldn’t tell even if they had any Elders. And my idea that I and my father would instantly recognise each other and run into each other’s arms was just so much wishful thinking.
I didn’t want to upset them in any way. Though I could easily win any fight at home it was obvious I couldn’t match up to anyone here, never mind several. Going round the camp peering into each face hoping for one that looked like mine might easily cause offence. Also the fact that I could not readily tell men from women was awkward. Suppose I suggested to some woman that she might be my father. If these men grew hair on their faces they kept it well shaved, I had not seen one beard.
Breakfast the next morning was as casual as eating had been the day before. As each person came out of their shelter they came to the central fire and took whatever they wanted to eat. I did the same and it seemed that everyone just assumed I would. Your bear’s tooth, Kizkur, had been against my skin but I brought it out so that it hung down the front of my jacket. My hope was that my father would recognise it and find me rather than me having to find him. But that didn’t work, nobody even seemed to notice it at all. Not surprising really, they all wore teeth of one kind or another, I was horrified to see that several had what seemed to be leopards’ teeth. It looked as though they would hunt anything.
It was pure luck that I found him in the end. Most of my group, as I thought of them by then, had gone off somewhere without inviting me with them and I was left alone wandering aimlessly round the camp. And what do you think I heard? One of your tunes being played on a harp. It was coming from one of the shelters. I didn’t know whether one could go to a stranger’s shelter, so I sat and waited for him to come out. It was a long wait and when he did he was definitely a woman, carrying a sleeping baby. I’d had enough by then so I went up to her and started signing my whole story. She was very patient, although she signed several times that she didn’t understand. She understood that it was to do with the harp though and went back into her shelter and brought it out. It was a different shape from ours but the strings seemed the same. I played to her the tune she had been playing and she certainly looked surprised. She looked at me closely then took the harp back into her shelter. When she came out again she smiled at me and took my hand to lead me across the camp. At another shelter she made an odd cry which was answered by the man inside giving the same cry. She went in leaving me outside. There was some talking then they both came out. My father was carrying a harp with a zigzag pattern surrounding swirls carved all round it. I exclaimed at the harp and he exclaimed at the bear’s tooth. He laughed and hit me on the back. I think I’ve still got the bruise. But I managed to grin at him. He and the woman spoke for a while then she laughed too and giving me a big smile she left.
We both realised who the other one was of course, and gave each other a good looking over. Liking what we saw must have been mutual too because we both laughed at once from pleasure at meeting, also I was laughing at how we didn’t know a word of each other’s languages. He made a gesture of discontent at his shelter and drew me to the fire. There he made a general announcement which caused everyone to smile and make a gesture with both hands. It must have been him saying that I was his son and them showing their pleasure. Three women then came to me with their children of various ages and, on being told to, each child approached me with hands outstretched palms forward. When I copied their gesture they touched their hands to mine. It could only be that these were my brothers or sisters and the gesture was one of greeting to kin. I was more moved than I could have imagined being and had to wipe away tears. The children wanted to show me something I think, but I wanted to stay with my father. The lack of language only made us more determined to ask questions and try to understand the answers. His first questions were of you. I tried to convey that you were healthy and happy and an important person in our group. We played tunes that we both knew on his harp and sang as best we could. Neither of us was much good at singing. I said that it was you who was the good singer and he said yes, you had sung to him and it was good. Or I think that was it. He indicated how much he loved the harp you had given him and something else as well which, perhaps I am flattering myself, I thought meant he liked the son you had given him too.
I was just getting started on how I wanted to ask him if he thought our groups might get together in some ways, when the group of hunters who had found me came back to the camp and he pulled me up to go and greet them. There was much talking and laughing and they all wanted to hit my back. I had to let them of course though I would much rather they hadn’t done. I hit them on their backs too as that seemed to be the thing to do. While this was going on I was surprised that I understood a few words that were being said. I thought I would try the one which I thought was ’hello’. They howled laughing though I could tell there was no unkindness in it only pleasure that I had tried and merriment at the silly sound I made, I could tell myself it was all wrong. They patiently said it over and over until I had got it right, or as near right as it ever would be. Then they insisted I teach them to say ’hello’ as we would. It was my turn to laugh then, but they soon had it. We went back to the fire and much eating, drinking and singing followed.
My father and I managed to get some quiet talk together amongst it all, their group seemed to treat everything as an excuse for a party. I continued with the idea of our groups getting together for some things, where we might each benefit. He seemed to take it for granted that we would, he was very casual as though there was no need for discussion. He was picking up some of my words too and we got on well. He asked me to show him the sacred claw from the white bear, and of course I did. We tried to talk about spirit-world but it was very hard. He asked about the mammoth’s tooth he had given you and I tried to indicate that it was kept at our most sacred shrine. I also tried to say that I was an enchanter but that you were our group’s Enchanter. Some of it got through because I’m fairly sure that he said in return that in their group everybody was an enchanter. We both knew that there were probably misunderstandings of what each was trying to say, but I’m sure we both knew that we had agreed that the next day he was going to take me somewhere sacred to their group - or perhaps only to him - and that we would make an early start.
Wanting to be sure that we understood each other about their group coming to meet ours, I started gesturing about that again. My father signed ’Stay here’ and went off somewhere. When he returned he had two handfuls of seeds, one kind in one hand and another kind in the other. He put them on the ground and between them made a row of triangles from pieces of grass. He pointed to the distant mountains and pointed to his triangles so that I would see that the two heaps of seeds were meant to be our two groups. Then he moved his group over to our side of the mountains and made a question face about whether the two piles of seeds would be near but not touching, up against each other though separate or completely mixed up together. I made a question face back. He laughed and then indicated that he and I would go over the mountains to see our group and sort out how it was going to work.
I noticed then that a little girl was playing with Tlez. To avoid any accidents I went over to them and recognised the girl as one of my half-sisters. One way that I had found to tell the ice giants apart was by their necklaces of teeth. Every one of them wore one but each seemed different in choice or arrangement. The children’s were of the smaller animals, lemming, rat or fox and all had a snake fang in the centre. I thought it too cold for snakes round here and assumed they must trade for them. Mammoth tusks would buy them anything they wanted I should think. So that I would always be sure who she was I learned her tooth necklace.
She made the universal gesture to find out Tlez’s name, pointing to herself and saying very clearly
"Miklin"
then pointing to Tlez and looking questioning. We said "Tlez" back and forth a few times until she had the pronunciation right. Then she remembered her manners and asked for my name. She had even more trouble with my name than my father had had. And I still didn’t know if what sounded like ’Groohk’ was his name or just meant ’father’.
Miklin wanted to ride Tlez of course. I got her to understand that she must get her mother’s permission. While she was away I spoke soothingly to Tlez who I thought must be finding all this strange, but she seemed quite calm. Then I saw Miklin coming back pulling her mother by the hand. I thought her mother would be worried by it, but it was me that kept repeating that she must hold on tight to Tlez’s fur. Her mother just felt Tlez’s trunk and laughed her way through gestures about that being how Miklin would get up and down. So we all made a tour of the camp, with me fidgeting and worried and Miklin and her mother calling and laughing to each other. All the children wanted a ride then of course. My father came over to organise it when he saw that I was overwhelmed. He made sure that my half brothers and sisters went first which seemed fair. After they had all had a go he put the others into groups of three and Tlez and I took three round the camp at once. It all took a long time, but the adults seemed to be having as much fun watching as the children were having riding.
I don’t know if Tlez was tired by it all but I certainly was. I went to bed early, knowing there was an early start the next day, and slept very well.
The next morning I got laughed at again. My father had given me a choice piece of meat to take to my shelter and eat for breakfast because we were to leave early. But I had to show him that it was frozen solid. Amidst amazed amusement he signed that I should have taken it into my sleeping furs with me overnight.
It thawed out on our journey and I had a late breakfast. Tlez would have come anyway but my father wanted her to, I couldn’t tell why because he had very little with him so didn’t need her to carry. I was taking all my sacred objects as I had understood only that this expedition was to do with spirit-world and wanted to be prepared. My special talismans were hanging from my belt as usual, I mean that I took the other ones that we chose together for me to take. With those, our bear’s tooth hanging round my neck and the ice bear’s claw readily to hand I felt prepared.
It was a long way, we were going back almost the way I had come but slightly more westerly. The mountains that I had hated coming through looked very impressive in the sun under a blue sky. It became hot as the sun got higher and I had to take off fur layers. We hadn’t brought shelters with us and in the afternoon I realised we couldn’t get back to camp before nightfall. I nearly asked my father about it but he seemed withdrawn and we could sleep amongst Tlez’s fur so that was alright.
At early evening we came to a small ridge of the mountains which stuck out onto the plain. We left Tlez on grassy ground and scrambled through some large rocks. Behind them was the very well hidden entrance to a cave. It was tall enough to walk upright through and well rounded, I was really surprised that we hadn’t been able to see it from below at all. It felt strongly of the spirits and I reverenced them before following my father in. He went towards the back of the cave which was very dark and I took a moment to let my eyes adjust then followed him. I could hear water falling to our right and that was the way he turned and went through a narrow opening. The space opened out and as my father fell to his knees touching both hands to his forehead I could see over him. The sight hit me in the stomach, I don’t think I’ve ever been so startled and I fell full length touching my face to the floor of the cave. It was a few moments before I could look again and see what the sacred object was. It was the skull of a mammoth with the tusks in place and the backbone stretched out behind it. The face was painted with swirls of black and red and the tusks carved similarly. A crack in the rock wall let light in and it came in such a way as to shine through the eyes so they glowed the colour of fire. Father told me later that the wonderful substance they were made from was called amber and came from the far north. I’ve left out the clicks so that we can say it. Amber.
We didn’t speak at all. The effect of it was like being in spirit-world. I couldn’t make myself go near the skull so left the raven’s wings as an offering in the place I had seen it from, then I backed out of its shrine. Father came out backwards too. We looked into each other’s eyes not saying anything. He put his hand on my shoulder and we went back to Tlez.
It was going dark by then so I brushed her down and tethered her near some good grass. We went back to the outer cave and slept soundly, I knew we could have no better protection than the mammoth spirit of the inner cave.
The next day we spent travelling back to their camp.